Single On Valentine’s, Again?

“I don’t believe in that Valentine’s Day hype so don’t expect anything from me. It’s like any other day,”.

This and many other excuses, I listened to as a 22-23 year old. Fast forward; tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and if I had a dollar for my bag of experience with the kind of pressure that comes with the 14th of February, I’d be rich.

We like to laugh it off in jokes reminding women that the day finds them single because they dared to turn down a dm (direct message) or say no to someone’s frequent efforts even when they’re simply liking your pictures as a sign of interest.

I will tell you this, the pain and doubt that rains in when others are being showered with love;  receiving bouquets, notes, and the like as you jokingly tweet “God when” in reply to pictures of those who seem to have found favour with Cupid can be real.

And as you read this, I want you to find no shame in admitting that you humanly feel a tug at heart, that you get tempted to unblock that inconsistent lover, that you occasionally recreate memories and possibilities and fantasies of what could have been. It is okay.

Note that I am not encouraging you to resort to stalking that non committal ex or an unfortunate and empty situation, it is okay and normal to feel tempted.  However, I encourage you to look at this other side of things.


Get comfortable with the idea of being and ending up alone.
It’s okay to be booed up as much as it is, being single with no entanglements, hook ups, or whatever.
I know Valentine’s is coming and the undertones of “you’re single because you rejected so & so” will resound.

But don’t feel guilty when you say no to people who are not what you’re looking for.
In addition, don’t beat yourself up if you wanted to love someone and they said no.

It’s one day, just like any other.

And it’s fine to have no boyfriend or whatever on 14th Feb.

“Now Valentine’s is coming” plus other ‘jokes’ may sting but it is hard to fully love and take in other people if we are so scared of ourselves.

Plan to fill your cup, love on yourself first and hug any bouts of loneliness that may arise.

You’re complete.
Enough & worthy ❤️


It’s okay and human to crave human interaction, sexual intimacy, love and reciprocity however, don’t sell yourself short.

I don’t know if everyone gets out of this life with ‘true love and romance’ but I do know it’s painful having to convince people that you’re deserving.
That you are worthy of love and respect, don’t do that to yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with being single, I’d rather that than being in a situation where you are holding everything together and begging for itsy bitsy of attention, love and acceptance.

I’ve learnt that being open to dating doesn’t mean accepting whatever is thrown at us.
It means being willing to put your heart out there, but also being wise  and mature enough to walk away should pronounced boundaries be abused.

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